Valentine’s Day often becomes more of an “analyze your relationship” day, rather than its main purpose of “show love to your partner” day.

Stop analyzing and start loving!

I recently read an edition of Gary Chapman’s ‘The Five Love Languages’. Through years of research, Chapman has identified five distinct ways to show love to your mate.

  1. Words of affirmation

The person who loves with this language enjoys when their partner uses verbal compliments, expressing appreciation openly, and offers encouraging words. It is helpful to use simple statements such as “I really appreciate you washing the dishes”. A word of caution: the manner in which you speak needs to be congruent with what you’re saying.

  1. Quality time

Quality time means putting away your cell phones and other distractions and being present with your partner. Togetherness is very important for a person who values this love language. This might mean making compromises in your relationship. For example, I hate football, but with someone who loves the sport I would delight my partner by going to the game and learning more about it. You don’t do this out of obligation, but because you are showing your love to your mate.

  1. Receiving gifts

Wanting to receive gifts does not make you materialistic, it’s simply your way of understanding love from your partner. Gifts are visual and tangible symbols of love. If your partner values this love language, don’t necessarily break the bank spending money on gifts, but do know that you might have to make a budget for gifts to show your love. And remember, gifts can be found or handmade as well.

  1. Acts of service

Does your partner appreciate your love most when you do things for them? This implies that their primary love language is acts of service. Acts of service could mean packing a lunch for your mate, knowing they are rushing about in the morning, or putting gas in the car because they know their partner hates gas stations. This particular love language requires more thought, planning, time, and energy but is easy- once you have discovered the things you know your mate would like you to do.

  1. Physical touch

Physical touch doesn’t mean solely sex (although it certainly includes that); it could be holding hands, kissing, hugging, even a supportive hand on the shoulder when a person is upset. This particular love language can be difficult if only one partner values it, but once you learn of your partner’s ideal love language then you can work to incorporate more touching.


Do you know which love language you prefer most? Do you know which love language your partner prefers most?

To take the five love languages quiz, check out this PDF version:

To learn more about the five love languages, check out Gary Chapman’s website:

About the Author

Tara is a wellness Newsfeedger for the Local Biz Magazine who is in the process of writing her memoir on finding hope and meaning while living with a mental illness. Tara loves the concepts of positive psychology, incorporating them into every aspect of her life and spreading the message on the science of well-being.